Riding the Slipstream

One of the elderly guys in my office is going on retirement today. So we are throwing him a little shindig this afternoon to speed him on his merry way and to let him know just how much we appreciate his service to the company. Yeah, we are a bunch a hypocrites pretending that we care when all we really want is the free booze, free food and an opportunity to feel up the secretary. I, off course, will be felt up by the psycho bimbo (see previous post)… so yeah, I can’t wait. And with that my testicles turn into ice-cubes and retract into my abdomen. Now this guy has worked here practically all his life. He is old school and not the type who changes companies every 3 to 4 years. He values dedication and long service and is a company man in the true sense of the word. I can’t imagine the office without him. “George”… lets call him, George… is a part of the furniture… the unofficial guru and anchorperson. He’s the guy we run to when we need a bit of help or information. He’s the kind of guy who, when you moved his cheese, would take it in his stride and quietly go on his merry way. Never a harsh word… no drama… hardly ever irritated. The obligatory collection envelope is doing its rounds in the office. I never know how much money to put in. How do you measure a colleague’s worth in monetary terms? And what do you buy as a farewell gift for someone who has devoted his entire adult life to working for someone else. If had my way… we’d take him out to a strip bar… and let have a go at the girls. Hell, he’s been decent and well behaved for all this time and his age he can afford to say, “Screw the good moral bahaviour; I am having me some ME-time and I am going to behave scandalously while I’m at it”. But that is just me and somehow I cannot see old George living out my fantasy. I think George would still appreciate it if the boss gave him the old gold watch. Of course he will have to pretend to be moved by the gift we bestow on him later today, and somehow I cannot see George becoming emotional. Not to be outdone by the collection envelope, the much dreaded farewell card is also going around and one struggles to decide between “Good luck on your retirement” and “It was great working with you”. Of course I take comfort in the thought that the boss will have to deliver a truly “heartfelt” speech. Priceless! We have heard it a gazillion times before and true to his nature and desperate to live up to his reputation as 'the guy who lost the plot', we are sure to be in for a whopper of a speech. It is one of the few occasions though that he will have the full attention of the entire department and something I am sure that will make his weekend. Good Luck George and I wish you all the best. Now be a good boy and give us the finger, will ya?!