Eternal madness of the spotless mind
Ok… so this morning’s marketing/technical meeting was a complete washout and if it hadn’t been that I actually had something to report back on, I would preferably have slit my throat and gushed blood all over the MD’s brand new white shirt. Yep, that was one of my psycho fantasies as people made up excuse after excuse for not “doing” their work. I am not easily given to melodramatic bullsh*te fantasies, but sometimes one’s conscience has to step out on the ledge to deal with the pain inflicted upon it. Attending meetings is probably the one thing in my job I do not look forward to. I’d much rather spend my time going about my business and getting the job done than sitting around a table delegating tasks, discussing what we need to do and who needs to do it for one whole hour. You need an update… please, ask me?! Half the people attending the meeting are totally unprepared and are merely “winging” it, using tired old phrases like; I am waiting on results/feedback from so-and-so or I should have an answer by… (insert date… any date), all because they are too lame-assed to get on with the assigned tasks. I think people attend meetings for three (?!) reasons… for some it is an opportunity to look the part of the up-and-coming-corporate- wannabe, to grandstand and gain exposure, use meaningless corporate/business phrases that will impress the boss. You can say so much more with so much less… pipe it sunshine. For others, being invited means that someone up there thinks (or so they believe) that they, the invitee, have something to contribute. So instead of declining, they play along and hope they can pull it off… although they are not quite sure what they are trying to pull off. They do not have two thoughts to rub together if their lives depended upon it, but perhaps no one will notice. And if they are lucky, someone would have prepared for the meeting and all they have to do is nod in agreement and pretend they understand. Lemming! Then there are the hyenas who believe a meeting is the ideal place to let others know who’s really runs the show. Yep, I am power tripping baby and you had better believe I will chew you up and spit you out like yesterday’s breath-mint! These people would be better off establishing a cult, getting a bunch of doped up teenagers to donate all their processions and hero worship them. Now that is real “fake” power, if you know what I mean. Someone was tasked with writing up the minutes for the meeting. Hahaha… if it were me, I would turn the minutes into a satirical sketch of what I believe people's true thoughts were around the table. Now that would compensate for the emotional distress and sufferung and would make for far more interesting reading. Mmm… I betcha my marketing colleague with the bad acne and rimmed glasses fantasizes about taking over the company... and the boss’ secretary as his personal sex slave. Just for the record, I fantasized about ramming a plastic drinking straw in the boss' ear and emptying his skull with it.
