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Thursday, September 29, 2005 

Know any good lullabies?

Splitting headache! Dog tired! Pity me all good people who read this blog. No really, I mean it… so please, go right ahead and do it. I am as worn out as a cucumber in a convent and all I ask is to go home and sleep for at least an hour. At 3:30 this morning I was jolted out of bed by the incessant barking of my two dogs. At first I thought it was nothing, so I called out their names and told them to shut up. Normally that helps and I am able to get back to doing what I do best… sleep. This time however they keep right on barking. So I figure that perhaps there is an intruder in my yard. Yeah, I am friggin’ paranoid. My brain sped right past the neighbour’s cat scenario and headed straight for i-n-t-r-u-d-e-r. So I get up and switch on all the lights. I figure that if there is an intruder on the premises, surely this would scare them off. Of course with the lights on, the dogs stop barking, so I reckon that whoever or whatever they were barking at, has left. But just to be on the safe side I also decide to take a look outside by peering through the windows. Of course any old fool can tell you that if you have the light on in a room, there is no way you can see through the window as all it does is reflect your own image. (Look, mommy, there is a scary man at the window…. hehehe). So I go from room to room, turn the lights off, pull back the curtains and look through the window. If the sight of me in my sleep shorts doesn’t scare them away, then nothing else will. By about the third window, it suddenly dawns on me that if there were any intruders outside, me cupping my hands around my face and peering through the window, would prolly be a good target for anyone who wanted to harm me. So I abandoned that absolutely brilliant plan, turned all the lights off, set the alarm and went to bed. About 5 minutes after I turned the lights off, the dogs start barking again. What was I thinking? This time I am livid! Screw the intruders and the neighbor’s cat, I direct all my anger at the dogs and let lose with what can best be described as the theatrics of a madman. Think Rumplestiltskin (NO… not Donald Rumsfeld) dancing around and you get the picture. I think I set a new world record in how many times the word f&ck, various permutations thereof and the word neuter can be used in one sentence. I may also have woken up my neighbours, but who cares, the more the merrier. Why should I lie awake all by myself? Anger and sleep do not go well together. So over the next few hours, long after the dogs stopped barking, I lie awake in bed and will myself to sleep. I bargain with God and even promise to give up on all sorts of things if he will only reach down from heaven and knock me unconscious until it is time for me to wake up. The funny thing about God is that he is not easily persuaded and my foolish promises must have had him rolling with laughter. Either that or he was fast asleep. I started my day… at 3:30… AM!!! Try and top that! If you can’t, well go right back and pity little ol’ me.


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