Riding the Slipstream

Walking comes as naturally as breathing… well... perhaps not as naturally, because it talks a while before you are ready to take those first steps. But you get my point… walking is not a difficult exercise. I’ve been doing it for a while now, and I do not have any trouble with it at all. When we drive our cars on the highways or along suburban streets, there are certain rules of the road which have to be obeyed. Why not the same with walking? Yesterday, I was walking in the mall minding my own business. I made sure that I do not step on people’s toes and nor did I make any sudden hand-movements, so that I do not spook my fellow mall rats. I kept a safe distance all around, going with the natural flow and pace of the pedestrian traffic, when suddenly I walked into some woman’s bony ass! All I can say is that it gave new meaning to the term... bootylicious. Now I know this sounds absolutely ludicrous, but I did. This woman had decided that it was ok for her stop dead in her tracks and cease all forward movement, because of something she saw in a shop window. There was no indication that she was slowing down and no walking towards the shop window where she could drool over the object of her desire at leisure. Nope, she decided she could do that right from where she was standing… from the middle of the friggin passage-way. Perhaps she possesses super-human eyesight? You aren't the only one, Mr. Superman! Since I was unable to read her thoughts (which normally I am very good at) and assuming that the aim of walking was that we would all move forward in a somewhat orderly manner, I kept going. By the time I realized she had stopped, it was too late and I walked right into her. In fact, the only way I could avoid her was if I could pull off a tsukahara with a double twist. The collision knocked the wind right out of me and was followed by a sharp pain. Eina! I tried to apologise (why?), but she would have none of it. A surly, "Can’t you look where you are going", was all I got out of her. Thank you very much! I wanted to ask her if she could be wary of where she "parks" her bony ass, but I feared it may turn into a bitch fest. So I flashed her my most brilliant (albeit painful) smile and kept on walking. And yes, M'am, that was my groin you felt when I walked into you. I fear I may never father any off-spring, but that is none of your concern. I hope that whatever you saw in that window brings you hours of immense carnal pleasure!