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Friday, May 26, 2006 

Introspective

For a guy who whines about the inherent difficulties of taking life too seriously, I think too much on things that are of little value to me. Lately I’m always spacing out. In the middle of doing something, or nothing for that matter, I mentally trail off and start thinking about random things. I could muse over how to make the perfect hamburger, consider the pros and cons of being stuck on a desert island with Paris Hilton, and why it is that breathing does not burn more calories. I’m constantly trying to figure out how little things fit into big pictures and why I am living my life the way I do. Sometimes I actually manage to come up with something worthwhile that gives others a new insight into something else. Lately, people just look at me with a vague expression on their faces, as I walk up to them and share my thoughts. “Yep, there is a loose screw in there somewhere”, I can almost hear them saying. Things like wondering if it is because I was nasty to the guy downstairs with the bad haircut, that’s why the gf said she is thinking perhaps we should have baby? Huh? At which point I stop and think, “Does she think I am not serious about the relationship? Or am I just imagining that because I am guilty of having extremely lustfull thoughts about someone I met recently. Is there such a thing as bad karma when it comes to one’s thoughts? And just like that, I am lost in an internal debate on the correlation between universal karma and my own fantasies. Time was when I used to thrive on these kind of internal debates. I thought it set me apart from others. Cogito, ergo sum - I think, therefore I am. Descartes had no friggin idea, when he said that. Lately I think, over–analysis is a fanged bitch with a pointy tail and I wish I could lobotomize myself and not think of anything at all. Should I act on my thoughts or musings? Will it take me further away from my life’s path? If I do this thing that I don’t really like, will I lose the chance to be all that I could be? Why did she call me out of the blue and for no reason? Does it matter that she did? Should I buy that gadget I’ saw in that magazine, knowing well that I will tire of it in no time. Would the money be better spent on something worthwhile, such as alleviating the stress of my fellow man? It seems like almost anything nowadays can send me into overthink. What’s worse is that I’m sure that I’m making up half the connections I think I observe. It seems that my life-long propensity to withdraw into personal reflection only causes me to go into a temporary catatonic state. I go around in circles and I feel incapacitated. It is also turning me into a wishy-washy conspiracy theorist. I’m just glad I don’t know enough about politics to postulate that the rise in the petrol price is government is trying to hide the fact that at they intend to nuke the rest of the world before my next birthday. It may seem strange, but I am going to make a concerted effort to think less on the little things in life. I don’t know if I can do that. GRRR.. Maybe I should just go about my business like "normal" people do, and make the best of what I currently have. Suck it in when things go wrong, and apologize when I do wrongful things to others. Maybe it is not for me to contemplate what my place is in the bigger scheme of things. I used to think that people who just go about their daily lives are clueless (dumb) and that they do not know what is important. They may actually be onto something. Perhaps it is because winter has come to my part of the world and I cannot be out there, doing the things I’d rather be doing? Yeah, that has to be it! Now… back to Paris Hilton and that desert island… do you think Tara Reid would make a better companion? (PS: NO… I am not at the start of a premature mid-life crisis!)

i'd go with tara reid. there's more flesh on her so she'd probably survive longer. Also, if it came to killing and eating her for your own survival, you'd survive longer. paris hilton is a bag of bones. There may be good eating on her (as we've all seen on that infamous video), but is there good eating on her?

hey! moonflake's online at the same time as me!

anyway, bro - i have two things for you to chew on.
1) you're way too bored. you need to find a way to occupy your mind better.
2) most people have no clue what their purpose in life is. that's okay. you just need to make one up for yourself, and go with it until something better comes along. generally a difficult to obtain goal, but not an impossible one, is ideal. and somehow you need to keep your mind open to anything better that comes along.

we're all clueless, but as terry pratchett says: we're the story-telling chimpanzee. finding meaning in the meaningless is what we're all about. so you should feel good that you're doing what humans do best - and you're good at it! mel gibson's character in conspiracy theory was on to something, you know. and according to strange days: "it's not whether or not you're paranoid. it's whether or not you're paranoid enough.

Chitty, in my opinion I think it's that bloody Virgo thing again because I am stuck in the same groove. :-P

Moonflake: You have me totally confused... ha ha.
I have to give more thought to the whole concept of eating on Paris. :)
TW: I like #2... I am good at making things up, even a fake purpose.
Paranoia and I do not go well together... can you imagine how much harm I will cause in the city of Jo'burg?
Katt: Being a Virgo sucks at times... and we are probably prone to over-analysis.
That's it... I want to be born again, at a different time!

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