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Wednesday, May 17, 2006 

It is never as simple as it should be

I had an interesting discussion with my friend, Jeannette, over drinks the other day. Jeanette firmly believes, and as much as I tried, I could persuade her to think otherwise, that if a woman flirts with a man long enough, she will eventually get him into bed. My argument was, you don’t have to flirt with a guy to get him in bed with you… all you need to do is ask! Or perhaps I was referring to myself? Ha ha... However, I must admit I found her viewpoint somewhat disturbing for three reasons, or perhaps I just loathe to admit that we men are that easy to read and manipulate.

  • It says that men are incapable of being faithful
  • Men represent only a limited challenge to women, and
  • All sexual relationships are inevitably doomed to fail
It is disheartening, don’t you think? It kind of makes me want to slit my wrists and give up on the notion of ever trying to impress a woman. . OK... so i I know a few guys who think that mere eye contact with a woman, or a smile is an invitation to have sex, which kind of endorses the “limited challenge” theory. On the other hand, I know that not all men are like that and that there are guys out there who search for more in a woman than just a beautiful smile or a sexy look. A major point to consider is that men and woman have completely differing ideas of what flirting is about and what we hope to get out of it. Not all flirting is with intent: it is a universal and essential aspect of human interaction, and more often than not, it is just for fun. And admittedly, there are times when it is merely a ploy to get a hearty shag. So what, I am guilty of that too! We will consciously flirt with people of the opposite sex (or even same sex...) whose company we enjoy, and this probably why so many friendships eventually turn into something more. Friendships are based on an attraction of some sorts and it does not have to be a physical one. If there is however a physical attraction, and when it is left unchecked, it is a foregone conclusion that sooner or later you will do the tango between the bed-sheets. In that case you either fall madly in love, have a horrible fall out, or leap out of bed the next morning and pretend nothing happened. Either way, things will never be the same again.

Never a truer word was spoken on a blog! You make a perfect point!

It is complicated. Your friend seems to have quite a sense of her own power, if she decides she can simply flirt her way into whatever bed she desires (and yes, on the other hand, sometimes it seems to me that all a woman has to say is "hello, nice day" and the guy seems to think "she really, really wants me!".)
Much wishful thinking and chemistry all around.
And not to be horribly old fashioned--but restraint and fidelity do have their own charms.

Katt: Thanks... much appreciated.
jarvenpa: Yes, they do thier own charms.
Such a lot has changed in recent years, it is difficult to find your way sometimes. Or do we get so caught up in our own games and asserting ourselves that we simply cannot see the truth?

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