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Friday, October 21, 2005 

I am weasel

There is a limit to the abuse any man can take. Really there is! Trust me. Take last night for instance. The usual suspects and I decide to go out for a few drinks. [Quick aside: what is it about a Thursday night that makes you want to go out, drink too much and feel like shit the next day at work? Why not just wait for Friday night?] Anyway, I digress. So there we are in this kick-ass bar and it is pumping like it’s the freaking Fourth of July. And we were having a good time. Beers and shots are flowing freely, like it should on a night when we really should be at home. A cute girl walks by our table and as she does so, one of my buds (The Grinch) leans in and he calls her over. He chats to her and it is obvious that the intention is to pick her up. Anyway, he has no luck and as she walks away her gives her a nickname, just loud enough for us to hear. He shakes his head from side in a somewhat oriental fashion and says, "Ciao to you too, Miz Tumbleweed”. I thought it was hilarious! Ok, maybe not! I don’t get out much these days. But have a few drinks and I promise you it will be funny. Anyway, let’s get back to the bar and the why we will never be allowed to go back there again. We decide to move to the back of the bar and play a couple games of pool. Things are pretty rowdy and jovial around the tables, when this one guy starts taking gibes at the Grinch. You know nasty little childish comments loud enough for his friends to hear who then has a good laugh. He is either a friend of Miz Tumbleweed or her boyfriend. Now the Grinch is a big guy, over 1.8m, large (think rugby player large) and not the kinda guy one messes with. The other guy, Weasel, is about the about half his size, but he has the biggest mouth south of the friggin’ Equator. He's like your neighbour’s pesky Maltese poodle, yapping away non-stop on a day that you have your worst hangover… ever. Every friggin’ opportunity he gets, he’s in the Grinch’s face. Mocking him, making snide remarks, taunting him. Basically, he’s an asshole and he's behaving even worse. A few of the others and I pull him aside a few time and tell him to let it go for his own good… but no such luck. Obviously old weasel has had a few drinks and he is now the bravest human on the planet and he basically tells us to fuck off. He’s got balls bigger than Superman’s and Batman’s put together. Alrighty, then… not a good image! A few rounds of pool and a good couple beers later, he saunters over to the Grinch, pokes him in the chest and says something nasty about his mother. The Grinch walks around him and carries on playing his game. The little guy, offended by the brush off, walks up the Grinch and pokes him in the chest… yet again. Oh boy! The Grinch punches the guy in the face… one single friggin punch! The little guy gets it right between the eyes. He keels over like Charlie Chaplin in silent movie and he hits the floor really hard. And he is out… just like that! He does not even move! Deep down in my chest I stifle a proud, Yay, Grinch”. Come on… the weasel came begging for it! Of course the friggin bar goes silent and comes to a standstill. Miz Tumbleweed comes running over and now she gets in on the action. Screaming and shouting abuse and trying to revive the weasel from his untimely nap. The manager and the friggin bouncers also make their way across the bar and everything turns into a one big hullabaloo. In the end we leave and the manager politely implies that we should not come around there again. Dammit! So much for a fun night at the bar. Isn’t it always the case though, the smallest guy will always, and I mean always, have the most bravado. Especially after a few drinks and even more so when there is a girl involved. And why in God’s name do they always take on the biggest guy in the group? Do they suffer from a David-vs-Goliath syndrome?

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