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Wednesday, July 27, 2005 

Freedom isn't free

1st day in my new role. Having my entire project portfolio taken away from me and working on special projects has its upside. It has a downside too, as I have come to discover today. One of the definite perks is that you have no more worries, no deadlines, no meetings to attend and there is absolutely no reason for you to kiss anyone’s ass. You also realise that you spent way too much time worrying about business issues that actually does very little for you personally as well as professionally. Next perk… no more work stress. Yep, I am lank chilled and there is little that can upset me. Another seemingly good perk is the free time you have in which to talk to other people. The downside is people think they can walk into your office whenever they want to. I am suddenly the most popular guy in the freaking building. I may as well put a sign on my office door that says;

Psychiatrist in. Feel free to sit your crummy ass down and tell me all about it.
I tell you, I did not know that there are as many people working here as I got to meet today. Everybody wants to know why I am leaving, when I am leaving, where I am going to and who is going to take my place. If I had any sense at all, I would have sent out an e-mail to the entire company clearly stating my reasons for leaving. Apparently this is vital information that every person needs to know. My particular 'brand' of resignation is seemingly the biggest event since sliced bread and my life is as much theirs as it is mine. Then there are those who feel that they need to give me advice on what to do next. And in as much as I appreciate the gesture, I really do not need anyone to tell me what I should and should not do. No one seems to remember that I will be here until the end of the year and that perhaps I may have plans of my own. With being stripped of the previously held office title, I suddenly became one of the guys. I am as low down as the cleaning lady and as high up as the MD. It felt good at first; I had the freedom to be myself and meet people on the same level. Besides, I am not a snob and I can mix equally well with all people. Even when what they say things to me that make no sense and I am left wondering what mental institution they had escaped from. However, by lunch time, I had had enough of the me-so-friendly and I-am-your-buddy parade. People who until today would never even look in my direction are now on a first name basis with me. When I was a fully fledged manager, I was Mr. So-and-so.... now I am just K(*chitty*). Still, it is not necessarily a bad thing as long as it does not take away from who and what I am. Colleagues whom I have offended and who have offended me, those who hated my guts and whose guts I hated all of a sudden became my mates. My resignation had wiped the slate clean. How odd is that? Hell, even the gay guy who felt me up when I got drunk at the office Christmas party seems to think all is forgiven. To be quite honest I hate it. I hate what I have become in less than 24 hours. I hate being the agony aunt and I hate being the dumping ground for everyone’s problems, their gripes, insecurities and malicious gossip. I hate that something I agonised over for so long has been diminished to this. I hate that I am the poster boy for the pissed-off and disgruntled. I don't want to be any of these things! There is just so much anyone person can take. So starting tomorrow I am going to put a sign on my door that says,
Disgruntled asshole and office maniac in residence. Enter at own risk.
Failing that, I will yell, "F*ck off " whenever someone enters that I do not know or do not like. Be carefull what you wish for… I wish somebody had reminded me of this when I walked into the boss’s office yesterday morning. Of course I DO NOT want my job back. The hype will wear off soon and this is a MINOR setback to my plans. Admittedly, December 2005 seems a looong way off right now and a 30-day notice period seems like a stroke of pure genius. Hehehe... Now... where the fuck is the hangman’s noose when you need it?!


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