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Wednesday, August 10, 2005 

So here's the deal

“Deal with it” These are the exact words someone used today to shut me up when I objected to something they were saying. What this person seemed to have forgotten is that I am an opiniated SOB who rarely backs away from a challenge, so I proceeded to have my say anyway. Yeah, Wednesday morning sucks when coming to work feels like it is Monday all over again. I am tired of dealing… tired because I do too much of it. I am tired of dealing with the crap others feel they can dump on me. I am tired of people telling me to “deal with it” when they do things that are wrong and insensitive and hurtful. The outside world already requires us to deal on a daily basis. Bush invades Iraq – we may not like it, but we deal with it. Terrorist attacks in London – we deal with it. The petrol price goes up – again, we deal. Thabo loans Mugabe a shitload of our hard-earned tax money – we may write angry letters of protest, but we deal. So many friggin deals and so little of me to go around. So with all this dealing going on around me, the majority of which is completely out of my control, the last thing I need is some nitwit at the office telling me to deal with their bulshit. Telling me to deal does not give you license to act or speak as you please, to offend and to make callous statements. Nor does it give you the right to intrusive and manipulative. I don’t have to deal with anything you dish up if I don’t want to. What I will however do is refuse to let you get away with it and I will deal WITH YOU right there and then. So the next time you feel the desire to tell me to deal with it… pipe it and smoke it or I will shove it down your throat so fast, you’ll think you swallowed a giant smoke stack. Dealing with one’s own problems is of course another story altogether. You have no choice… you either deal or you go down in flames. There is no escape. I don't have money right now, ok... make a plan to get more work, enter into prostitution, pull of an “Italian Job" heist or do without. That report the boss wants by close of business today… lie, fake near death or work late – but deal. Girl friends, boyfriends, sex life, parents, death, living, health, car payments, bond payments, etc – deal, deal, deal. Need a promotion... work hard, up your profile, sleep with the boss – just deal dammit! Having said all this… I am still tired of dealing. I am not saying I can't/won’t do it… I just wish I knew where to draw the line when it comes to my own personal issues. Dealing with others are easier… you shut he door and tell them to fuck off. I sometimes wish I could tell myself to fuck off… but that would be rude, especially since I am such a caring and sensitive person and goddammit.. I like myself.


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